the Un-Satisfactory.

i prefer to say that this blog is like my personal diary. or, as a place to express my feelings without being judged. despite, everyone knows that once a blog go public, it's open for critics and comments, bad talking, and many other bullshits that is going on.well, Typical Malay. Ehem, so to start off, i would like to tell you what i experience last week, and what i was going through this week. Last week was a one hell of a experience for me. Something happened, and it, or what happened has made me speechless and somehow, crushed me. Not literally but still. The pain was real. No blood, no bruise, but it hurts. I still ask the same question. Why? Why? Why? Ohhh, the pain. The suffering. So, i told myself. It's okay. I still stand by my principle. However bad the situation may be, i will always remember my code. My honor. But yeah, i' m crushed. I'm speechless. I'm sad. Never have i thought that it will happened. Something that i hold so near and dear, would back stab me. Noooo, never in a million years. I wanted to face the problem, but i knew, if i do, it would only makes the problem a lot bigger. And so i waited. But, somehow, i think that the wait is not worth it, however i try to understand it, however i try to communicate with it, it ran away, it deceives me. And that hurts most than anything. Well, i've tried. I tried to understand. But i could not, being the hot tempered guy. It will always protect the truth, deceiving and lying till come a point i could not know what was real, and what was not. Say it for a better good, but is not the saying goes, " However bitter the truth is, we just got to learn to swallow it," . Or has i hear it wrong? You tell me. And oh, High Zoom. A code which only the Brothers Of 4303 knows. and F group. cheerio fellas :D

sorry for the long post.

in a very long period of time.

Here goes nothing,
     Well hello, it's been a long time since i wrote anything in my blog, i'm damn sure there's no one reading my blog, but hey, this is just a way for me to express and a way for me to communicate, if you know what i mean. These past few days have proven something very important for me. There's been quite a few events that i care to dot as significant in my life. A friend of my, a Sarawakin. A girl. A Christian. I met her just few days ago, but i've known her for 4 years, on a online social networking site, Tagged. She told me that she was searching for god, the one and only. and what amazed me the most was that she found god in Islam, eventhough she is a Christian. That kinda woke me up, she search for her god, but me? I am a Muslim, I was born in a Muslim family. Most of my life, i would just ignored what my religion ask me to do, i would just say nahhhh, esoklah smayang., but her? she found Allah. She searches for him. Makes me think , how i am bad, how i am unworthful of the goodness of Him. O' Allah. Please forgive me for all i have sinned towards you.

Please give me the rightful way towards your love and heaven.
    

     Second part,
        Dedicated to the one girl truly  i love.  Cik Mirrah Diyana. I'm not going to tell you that i've written this. So if you reading it now, I'm sorry. First of all, I just wanted to say that i'm very lucky to have you, lucky to have you as someone to love, someone to share stories, someone who'll succumb to my needs, without even saying a word of denial. If angels that'll will accompany all Muslim in heaven are beautiful and perfect, I would just want you. If i could ask Him, i would ask him to just let me be in eternity with you. Honey, you're already perfect for me, you don't need to worry about how you look, how you dress, how your weight has 't gained, no honey, you don't have to. Sometimes i laugh at how you were so scared of me leaving you, but the fact is, i am more terrified of you leaving me. Horribly terrified. Honey, i'm sorry if i scolded you, mad at you, but that's me, I can't control how i am when i'm mad, what i know is to just spray everything out of my system. I've tried to change, believe me, i do. Everytime after i scolded you, I get this really insecure feeling, like i've done something so bad, i've to go to jail and the warden will throw away the key to the dumpster. What Cak Ci say is true, been true since the day i met you. I am worthless of you love. After i met you, there's no other woman in life. I just want you. I see only you, everytime a walk to class, there's always a random girl that looked like you, and i would say, " ade meh meh Mirrah gak dak nih, comel comel ," . You are my sweetest, you are my heart. Everyday i would think about you, worrying if you've found someone else that treats you better than i do. So Mirrah, don't be so low of yourself, be proud, hold up your head high, walk with dignity and passion. Cause you are my everything.

curahan luahan idea.

cerita kali ni simple ja,
HEARTS and MINDS
heart mksud aku disini bukan limpa mahupon hati kita, tapi perasaan,

dan mind bukan otak, tapi fikiran, mksud dia dekat nak sam dgn perasaan jugak la.

perasaan ni satu mnda yang susah org nak agak, lain org, lain lah perasaan,

dan lain jugak fikiran,

bendanya simple, kalu kita xmau perasaan, fikiran kita celaru,

jgn buat bnda bnda xelok, jgn buat jahat kat org,

senang, jgn buat pape kat org yang korang xmau diorang buat kat korang.

hah, amek, berbelitz ayat tuh,

pham kan sndiri yeah:)
kita mesti berusaha nak buat semua org happy , semua org di sekeliling kita la,

yang dah bawah kita pon perlu, tpi ad cara dia , lain pulak tuu.

kalau kita dah ad usaha, kita dah buat segalanya untuk org len, kita berkorban masa,

wang segala la, untuk sape sape disekeliling kita, itu bagus,

tp kalau kita ni xdihargai, jgn kecik hati, mnda tu biasa lah,

kita buat dia mcam tong minyak sejuta, tp kita dia buat mcm tong sampah,

jgn kecik hati, sabar, buat demi tuhan , buat demi kebaikan bersama,

masa tu lah hati tenang fikiran lapang,

sebab dpt tlong org,:)

kita jadi tong sampah xpa, asl diorang happy n kita niat untuk tuhan:)

peace y'alls.:)

so,here it goes.

hum hum,aku baca kat blog si dia tadi,

dia post something psal aku,

so,honey,this is my reply:

honey honey,

you're so sweet,

honey honey,

you've been my all,

always are,always will,

sayang,

dah banyak saya janjikan untuk awak,

dan setiap satu itu saya cuba untuk tunaikan,

tapi,

maafkan saya jika saya tak termampu,

sayang,

awak selalu tanya,

apa yang saya nampak pada awak,

sejujurnya,

saya nampak hidup saya dengan awak.

jangan ditanya mengapa,bagaimana,

tapi itulah hakikat.

sayang,

saya tahu saya bukan yang terbaik,

saya sentiasa marahkan awak,

saya sentiasa buat awak menangis,

sayang,

tahulah ini,

saya sayang awak.

setulus hati saya.

maafkan saya atas kesalahan saya.

dan sebagaiman yang saya selalu nyatakan pada awak.
(hajat ke 3)
itulah hasrat saya.
:)

untuk seseorang dari seseorang.

peace y'all:D

the end is near.

21 Feb. 2012

dah nak abes asasi pon.
sikit je lagik.

emmm.

still,aku rindukan family aku.

time macam ni.mmg bes ad ngan family.

bufday aku pon.dah dekat.
(sje promote,har har har)

tp,mungkin ni kali pertama bufday aku xde family,

n aku sgt sgt tak suka,

dan skang.sbb ni,emosi aku mudah sgt off course.

adooyai.

nak familyy akuu.

:(
ohh,n also,i really really miss my glory days lahh.
ohh memories,please be kind and go away.

no one to be mad at,no one mad at me.

i can do anything.

ohh,how i miss it.

hum hum,but,what to say right,

i have you.

yes yes,

i love you.

don't think differently if you read this ok:)
sy cuma,rindukan memori sy sekolah dulu.

n also darling,sy rindukan 'dia'.

peace y'all:D

home-what-now?

uhh,back then when i was a high schooler(nerd),
i never really understand what exactly they meant by;
HOMESICK

yes,ladies and gentlemen,

today,i'm going to write about homesick,homesickness,or whatever.

today marks the 60th day,that i did't see any of my family.

atau,aku tak balik rumah 60 hari dah weyyy!!
sumpah homesick.

aku rindu mak aku,abah aku,adik adik aku.

perghh.

lame siot tak blik.

sekarang aku taw,apa makna homesick,

penyakit rindukan rumah dan family,

dan aku berada di tahap kritikal yang amat sgt,

aku dengki sgt kalau nampak ad family dtg hantar anak anak blik kolej,

tpi aku faham,aku jauh,plus aku anak sulung,

so, yeah,aku kena cope sikit a dgn keadaan sekarang ni.

tapiiiii.....

sumpah nak menjerit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

tolong...i want to go home....

i miss my Najla,

i miss my PS3,

i miss my room,

i miss my kampung,

i miss my Terengganu.

i miss the smell of it,

i miss the kepok lekor,
and everything that goes in the name of
TERENGGANU.

waaaaa:(
i miss my Kemamang!!!!

i miss my little baby:(
peace y'all:D

time to kill.

lame betol tak update blog eh.

dlm mase tuh,bnyak dah yang berlaku,mcm mcm ah.

sebagai contoh,my best friend.
SHE JUST LOST HER FATHER.

AND.

i'm not there to cheer her up.

damn,tak guna nye aku.

jdi kwan tpi tak boleh ceriakan kawan.

aku sedih,hiba,dan macam macam lg ah.

i wanna cry,but,no use now lah.

i hope,u will be tabah,all that God does,He has a reason.

so,plz,just hold on,i'm with you k friend.
:(
now,for the part of me.

um hum,just gone through a very hard argument with HER.
fuhh,a very big one la i tell you,

n in that period,

i did't even realize,that i've made her cry,

damn once more,

ahh,mmg sekarang aku suka sgt kecewakan org.

org yang aku syg,menangis kowt,

adooyai..

dah lah syg,cukup lah menangis sbb sy,

kan sy dah ckap dulu,sy tak suka.

n i love what you said when we resolve this.

"awkk,jd lah lebih baik untuk sy,"
hishh,lambat betul ah 27,

nak kawen.
HAHAHAHA.

look at her cute face:)
peace y'all:D