the Un-Satisfactory.

i prefer to say that this blog is like my personal diary. or, as a place to express my feelings without being judged. despite, everyone knows that once a blog go public, it's open for critics and comments, bad talking, and many other bullshits that is going on.well, Typical Malay. Ehem, so to start off, i would like to tell you what i experience last week, and what i was going through this week. Last week was a one hell of a experience for me. Something happened, and it, or what happened has made me speechless and somehow, crushed me. Not literally but still. The pain was real. No blood, no bruise, but it hurts. I still ask the same question. Why? Why? Why? Ohhh, the pain. The suffering. So, i told myself. It's okay. I still stand by my principle. However bad the situation may be, i will always remember my code. My honor. But yeah, i' m crushed. I'm speechless. I'm sad. Never have i thought that it will happened. Something that i hold so near and dear, would back stab me. Noooo, never in a million years. I wanted to face the problem, but i knew, if i do, it would only makes the problem a lot bigger. And so i waited. But, somehow, i think that the wait is not worth it, however i try to understand it, however i try to communicate with it, it ran away, it deceives me. And that hurts most than anything. Well, i've tried. I tried to understand. But i could not, being the hot tempered guy. It will always protect the truth, deceiving and lying till come a point i could not know what was real, and what was not. Say it for a better good, but is not the saying goes, " However bitter the truth is, we just got to learn to swallow it," . Or has i hear it wrong? You tell me. And oh, High Zoom. A code which only the Brothers Of 4303 knows. and F group. cheerio fellas :D

sorry for the long post.

in a very long period of time.

Here goes nothing,
     Well hello, it's been a long time since i wrote anything in my blog, i'm damn sure there's no one reading my blog, but hey, this is just a way for me to express and a way for me to communicate, if you know what i mean. These past few days have proven something very important for me. There's been quite a few events that i care to dot as significant in my life. A friend of my, a Sarawakin. A girl. A Christian. I met her just few days ago, but i've known her for 4 years, on a online social networking site, Tagged. She told me that she was searching for god, the one and only. and what amazed me the most was that she found god in Islam, eventhough she is a Christian. That kinda woke me up, she search for her god, but me? I am a Muslim, I was born in a Muslim family. Most of my life, i would just ignored what my religion ask me to do, i would just say nahhhh, esoklah smayang., but her? she found Allah. She searches for him. Makes me think , how i am bad, how i am unworthful of the goodness of Him. O' Allah. Please forgive me for all i have sinned towards you.

Please give me the rightful way towards your love and heaven.
    

     Second part,
        Dedicated to the one girl truly  i love.  Cik Mirrah Diyana. I'm not going to tell you that i've written this. So if you reading it now, I'm sorry. First of all, I just wanted to say that i'm very lucky to have you, lucky to have you as someone to love, someone to share stories, someone who'll succumb to my needs, without even saying a word of denial. If angels that'll will accompany all Muslim in heaven are beautiful and perfect, I would just want you. If i could ask Him, i would ask him to just let me be in eternity with you. Honey, you're already perfect for me, you don't need to worry about how you look, how you dress, how your weight has 't gained, no honey, you don't have to. Sometimes i laugh at how you were so scared of me leaving you, but the fact is, i am more terrified of you leaving me. Horribly terrified. Honey, i'm sorry if i scolded you, mad at you, but that's me, I can't control how i am when i'm mad, what i know is to just spray everything out of my system. I've tried to change, believe me, i do. Everytime after i scolded you, I get this really insecure feeling, like i've done something so bad, i've to go to jail and the warden will throw away the key to the dumpster. What Cak Ci say is true, been true since the day i met you. I am worthless of you love. After i met you, there's no other woman in life. I just want you. I see only you, everytime a walk to class, there's always a random girl that looked like you, and i would say, " ade meh meh Mirrah gak dak nih, comel comel ," . You are my sweetest, you are my heart. Everyday i would think about you, worrying if you've found someone else that treats you better than i do. So Mirrah, don't be so low of yourself, be proud, hold up your head high, walk with dignity and passion. Cause you are my everything.