:)

lama tak post ape ape en. this time saje nak tulis something, something yg dh mmg lama ad dlm kepala aku.
im sure no one will read this, not even her, sbb lama jugak lah aku tak update, so, mungkin takde org perasan, hehe.

Pertama kali aku rasa despair , tak de harapan yg amat sangat ialah masa Tuk Wan aku meninggal. Time tu aku form 5. dekat dekat nak spm jugak ah. peh time tu, Allah je tahu aku rasa mcam mana. Hancur hati and everything, time tu, aku dh ckap kat diri sendiri, i cant handle death so well. Kematian Tuk Wan aku haritu, mmg ad tggalkan kesan yg amat besar kat aku. Now, haih,Tokki aku pulak sakit, sakit tua, org selalu cakap biasalah kan, dh tua. Tp tu lah, skang ayah aku suruh aku jaga dia, berenti la kje kejap. Setiap hari, aku tido lewat semata nak tgok atok aku tido lena tanpa sakit, dan setiap kali aku dgr dia meraung sakit, setiap kali tu jugak hati aku hancur sikit demi sikit, aku bangun pagi setiap hari dgn harapn aku dpt tgok dia sehari lagi. cukup sekali aku rasa sakitnya hati nak handle kematian.sekarang pulak, tambah dgn ayah aku, sakitnya ntah lah, aku pon tak reti nak cakp, ubat dye pn smpai 16k, itupon doktor cakap, side effects ubat tu sgt kuat, ayah aku demam setiaphari, rambut makin gugur, hm. mcamana aku nak handle semua ni.

truth be told , aku takot sgt nak tggal atok aku, ayah aku dgn keadaan mcm ni. aku rasa bertanggungjawab. walau yelah mungkin ayh aku, mak aku, adik aku, tgok aku selamber je mcm xde perasaan, tp dlm hati, tuhan je tahu. perasaan lonely ape semua tu, aku tolak tepi lah dulu, besi tu je ah tempat aku lepas semua stress aku, besi je lah tempat aku lepas semua nya, korang tak caya, try ah, hehe, bagus untuk stress aw workout ni hmm.. nak belajar pon mcm xde mood, boleh ke aku belajar dgn pikiran aku sentiasa kat family aku. org lain mungkin boleh, tapi aku tak. aku tak sekuat tu. ntah lah, aku harap sgt, Allah tarik aku dulu, daripada family aku. biarlah aku pergi kalau itu dpt panjangkan umur family aku. baik mcm tu . aku tak snggup. :)

the Un-Satisfactory.

i prefer to say that this blog is like my personal diary. or, as a place to express my feelings without being judged. despite, everyone knows that once a blog go public, it's open for critics and comments, bad talking, and many other bullshits that is going on.well, Typical Malay. Ehem, so to start off, i would like to tell you what i experience last week, and what i was going through this week. Last week was a one hell of a experience for me. Something happened, and it, or what happened has made me speechless and somehow, crushed me. Not literally but still. The pain was real. No blood, no bruise, but it hurts. I still ask the same question. Why? Why? Why? Ohhh, the pain. The suffering. So, i told myself. It's okay. I still stand by my principle. However bad the situation may be, i will always remember my code. My honor. But yeah, i' m crushed. I'm speechless. I'm sad. Never have i thought that it will happened. Something that i hold so near and dear, would back stab me. Noooo, never in a million years. I wanted to face the problem, but i knew, if i do, it would only makes the problem a lot bigger. And so i waited. But, somehow, i think that the wait is not worth it, however i try to understand it, however i try to communicate with it, it ran away, it deceives me. And that hurts most than anything. Well, i've tried. I tried to understand. But i could not, being the hot tempered guy. It will always protect the truth, deceiving and lying till come a point i could not know what was real, and what was not. Say it for a better good, but is not the saying goes, " However bitter the truth is, we just got to learn to swallow it," . Or has i hear it wrong? You tell me. And oh, High Zoom. A code which only the Brothers Of 4303 knows. and F group. cheerio fellas :D

sorry for the long post.

in a very long period of time.

Here goes nothing,
     Well hello, it's been a long time since i wrote anything in my blog, i'm damn sure there's no one reading my blog, but hey, this is just a way for me to express and a way for me to communicate, if you know what i mean. These past few days have proven something very important for me. There's been quite a few events that i care to dot as significant in my life. A friend of my, a Sarawakin. A girl. A Christian. I met her just few days ago, but i've known her for 4 years, on a online social networking site, Tagged. She told me that she was searching for god, the one and only. and what amazed me the most was that she found god in Islam, eventhough she is a Christian. That kinda woke me up, she search for her god, but me? I am a Muslim, I was born in a Muslim family. Most of my life, i would just ignored what my religion ask me to do, i would just say nahhhh, esoklah smayang., but her? she found Allah. She searches for him. Makes me think , how i am bad, how i am unworthful of the goodness of Him. O' Allah. Please forgive me for all i have sinned towards you.

Please give me the rightful way towards your love and heaven.
    

     Second part,
        Dedicated to the one girl truly  i love.  Cik Mirrah Diyana. I'm not going to tell you that i've written this. So if you reading it now, I'm sorry. First of all, I just wanted to say that i'm very lucky to have you, lucky to have you as someone to love, someone to share stories, someone who'll succumb to my needs, without even saying a word of denial. If angels that'll will accompany all Muslim in heaven are beautiful and perfect, I would just want you. If i could ask Him, i would ask him to just let me be in eternity with you. Honey, you're already perfect for me, you don't need to worry about how you look, how you dress, how your weight has 't gained, no honey, you don't have to. Sometimes i laugh at how you were so scared of me leaving you, but the fact is, i am more terrified of you leaving me. Horribly terrified. Honey, i'm sorry if i scolded you, mad at you, but that's me, I can't control how i am when i'm mad, what i know is to just spray everything out of my system. I've tried to change, believe me, i do. Everytime after i scolded you, I get this really insecure feeling, like i've done something so bad, i've to go to jail and the warden will throw away the key to the dumpster. What Cak Ci say is true, been true since the day i met you. I am worthless of you love. After i met you, there's no other woman in life. I just want you. I see only you, everytime a walk to class, there's always a random girl that looked like you, and i would say, " ade meh meh Mirrah gak dak nih, comel comel ," . You are my sweetest, you are my heart. Everyday i would think about you, worrying if you've found someone else that treats you better than i do. So Mirrah, don't be so low of yourself, be proud, hold up your head high, walk with dignity and passion. Cause you are my everything.

curahan luahan idea.

cerita kali ni simple ja,
HEARTS and MINDS
heart mksud aku disini bukan limpa mahupon hati kita, tapi perasaan,

dan mind bukan otak, tapi fikiran, mksud dia dekat nak sam dgn perasaan jugak la.

perasaan ni satu mnda yang susah org nak agak, lain org, lain lah perasaan,

dan lain jugak fikiran,

bendanya simple, kalu kita xmau perasaan, fikiran kita celaru,

jgn buat bnda bnda xelok, jgn buat jahat kat org,

senang, jgn buat pape kat org yang korang xmau diorang buat kat korang.

hah, amek, berbelitz ayat tuh,

pham kan sndiri yeah:)
kita mesti berusaha nak buat semua org happy , semua org di sekeliling kita la,

yang dah bawah kita pon perlu, tpi ad cara dia , lain pulak tuu.

kalau kita dah ad usaha, kita dah buat segalanya untuk org len, kita berkorban masa,

wang segala la, untuk sape sape disekeliling kita, itu bagus,

tp kalau kita ni xdihargai, jgn kecik hati, mnda tu biasa lah,

kita buat dia mcam tong minyak sejuta, tp kita dia buat mcm tong sampah,

jgn kecik hati, sabar, buat demi tuhan , buat demi kebaikan bersama,

masa tu lah hati tenang fikiran lapang,

sebab dpt tlong org,:)

kita jadi tong sampah xpa, asl diorang happy n kita niat untuk tuhan:)

peace y'alls.:)

so,here it goes.

hum hum,aku baca kat blog si dia tadi,

dia post something psal aku,

so,honey,this is my reply:

honey honey,

you're so sweet,

honey honey,

you've been my all,

always are,always will,

sayang,

dah banyak saya janjikan untuk awak,

dan setiap satu itu saya cuba untuk tunaikan,

tapi,

maafkan saya jika saya tak termampu,

sayang,

awak selalu tanya,

apa yang saya nampak pada awak,

sejujurnya,

saya nampak hidup saya dengan awak.

jangan ditanya mengapa,bagaimana,

tapi itulah hakikat.

sayang,

saya tahu saya bukan yang terbaik,

saya sentiasa marahkan awak,

saya sentiasa buat awak menangis,

sayang,

tahulah ini,

saya sayang awak.

setulus hati saya.

maafkan saya atas kesalahan saya.

dan sebagaiman yang saya selalu nyatakan pada awak.
(hajat ke 3)
itulah hasrat saya.
:)

untuk seseorang dari seseorang.

peace y'all:D

the end is near.

21 Feb. 2012

dah nak abes asasi pon.
sikit je lagik.

emmm.

still,aku rindukan family aku.

time macam ni.mmg bes ad ngan family.

bufday aku pon.dah dekat.
(sje promote,har har har)

tp,mungkin ni kali pertama bufday aku xde family,

n aku sgt sgt tak suka,

dan skang.sbb ni,emosi aku mudah sgt off course.

adooyai.

nak familyy akuu.

:(
ohh,n also,i really really miss my glory days lahh.
ohh memories,please be kind and go away.

no one to be mad at,no one mad at me.

i can do anything.

ohh,how i miss it.

hum hum,but,what to say right,

i have you.

yes yes,

i love you.

don't think differently if you read this ok:)
sy cuma,rindukan memori sy sekolah dulu.

n also darling,sy rindukan 'dia'.

peace y'all:D

home-what-now?

uhh,back then when i was a high schooler(nerd),
i never really understand what exactly they meant by;
HOMESICK

yes,ladies and gentlemen,

today,i'm going to write about homesick,homesickness,or whatever.

today marks the 60th day,that i did't see any of my family.

atau,aku tak balik rumah 60 hari dah weyyy!!
sumpah homesick.

aku rindu mak aku,abah aku,adik adik aku.

perghh.

lame siot tak blik.

sekarang aku taw,apa makna homesick,

penyakit rindukan rumah dan family,

dan aku berada di tahap kritikal yang amat sgt,

aku dengki sgt kalau nampak ad family dtg hantar anak anak blik kolej,

tpi aku faham,aku jauh,plus aku anak sulung,

so, yeah,aku kena cope sikit a dgn keadaan sekarang ni.

tapiiiii.....

sumpah nak menjerit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

tolong...i want to go home....

i miss my Najla,

i miss my PS3,

i miss my room,

i miss my kampung,

i miss my Terengganu.

i miss the smell of it,

i miss the kepok lekor,
and everything that goes in the name of
TERENGGANU.

waaaaa:(
i miss my Kemamang!!!!

i miss my little baby:(
peace y'all:D

time to kill.

lame betol tak update blog eh.

dlm mase tuh,bnyak dah yang berlaku,mcm mcm ah.

sebagai contoh,my best friend.
SHE JUST LOST HER FATHER.

AND.

i'm not there to cheer her up.

damn,tak guna nye aku.

jdi kwan tpi tak boleh ceriakan kawan.

aku sedih,hiba,dan macam macam lg ah.

i wanna cry,but,no use now lah.

i hope,u will be tabah,all that God does,He has a reason.

so,plz,just hold on,i'm with you k friend.
:(
now,for the part of me.

um hum,just gone through a very hard argument with HER.
fuhh,a very big one la i tell you,

n in that period,

i did't even realize,that i've made her cry,

damn once more,

ahh,mmg sekarang aku suka sgt kecewakan org.

org yang aku syg,menangis kowt,

adooyai..

dah lah syg,cukup lah menangis sbb sy,

kan sy dah ckap dulu,sy tak suka.

n i love what you said when we resolve this.

"awkk,jd lah lebih baik untuk sy,"
hishh,lambat betul ah 27,

nak kawen.
HAHAHAHA.

look at her cute face:)
peace y'all:D

damn kuasa 3.

ahhh,it's 5.30 in awesome morning.
of 18th Nov 2011.
i've arrive approximately at this time at Malacca Central.
it's a very cold and unusual morning.

and here i am.
all ALONE.

arghhhhhhhh!!!
mane koranggg???sakit hati betul aku......

tonite is THE nite.

tonight,at approximately 12.00 a.m.
i will board the bus to Malacca.
goodbye Terengganu.
Sem Break has been very good,it brought many memories,
some good,
some bad.

but mostly good la.
haha.
i will definitely miss my lil'l sis,
Nurin Najla.
manja gile kot dye ngan aku cuti ni,hahaha
nak nak dh nak balik melaka ni.
but this time.:D
i will brought one of my 'babies'
:D
my motor laaa.
the distance from my college to the faculty is;
"ya allah,diorang mmg nak suh budak uitm ni fit fit eyh,"
30 mins of walking distance.plus the steep climb.
dear uitm,no,i will not succumb to that.
very steep lahh.
what?u want us to faint everyday ka?haiyaaa.
next time.buat lift kalu nak buat curam curam camtu eh.
one day,i'll upload the legendary steep road.

peace y'all.

:D

brothers in bonds.

these are the dudes that went camping with me,
the fatso in the middle is the one who organises everyting,
bnyak lagi sebenarnya,tapi masing2 malu lah,nk smoke kejap lah.
sukati korang lah,takde gambar dlm blog aku:D

our morning:D

damn it's cold!

pretty:D

dah dah.bnyak lagi gmbr.
tapi scattered.ad ngn member member lain.
nnt ad mase.upload lagi.hehe.
kbye.
peace y'all.

day 4

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
hmmm,
wish i did't smoke.
like seriously.
i'm not gonna describe how exactly i starter out to smoke.
but,need to know basis.
I'M A SMOKER.
n i'm not proud of it.

day 3

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
mereka mmg kawan kawan yang terbaik
:D

i want this,badddddlyyyy...............

xperia neo.
hmmmmmm.
arghhh,i want this.
rm800.
a lil bit pricey.
but..............
i still want this.
u wait neo.
u wait.

peace y'all.
:D

my fantasies.

ehem ehem,test test,
err,so,
i'm very sure,that every and each of the readers,
have,what we called;Fantasy.
*that is,if anyone read this blog,i'm doing this for my own satisfactory.
*what the heck right.
so as i was saying.
remember back in the days,when we had only toys to play,
no ps2,ps3,psp,xbox,ipod,phone, whatever gadgets u can name.
there was none of those then.
kids nowadays may think;
"how boring your life is?"
or
"zaman bila mainan ni wey,nak nak mainan kotak,"
yeah,i overheard one of the kids in my neighborhood say that.
but,in my days as a kids,those so called ''mainan kotak"
were selling like 'pisang goreng'
each and every time a new commercial comes out,
me and my friends would takes each of us 20 sen,
*there were 6 of us,and the "mainan kotak" cost about rm1.20,so,u do the math.
and buy that thing.
we would play with that one toy,shared between the 6 of us.
IMAGINE.
a toy so small,and there are 6 of us.
we would play in the sandbox from 4 to 6.30.
running here and there.with that very toy.
it was fun,instead of just staying at our home,we made friend,
PS2 PS3 XboX,it IS undoubtly fun.
but it restricts us from who we are,
a kid are not suppose to stay in home,in front of the television,
they are to explore,to learn,to find friends.


NEEDLESS TO SAY.
MAINAN KOTAK SHALL LIVES THROUGH ALL AGES.
:D
peace y'all.

ohhh,tora,i miss u.
*btw,the story are a retell of me in standard 2.

NO 1.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

bhahahhaha.that my recent pic.study tu weyy.
err.n 15 interesting facts eyh.hmmmmm.
1.A hothead
2.Fast cooler
3.Easily irritated
4.Very shy.*pftt.but its true.
5.Likes to collect colourful stuff.
6.Still likes cartoons,eg.fairy oddparents,spongebob.
7.Likes to draw on the table.

8.A bit choosy on apparel.
9.SMOKE
10.In love with Final Fantasy Series.
11.Inspired by everything touchy.
12.Follow the flow kinda guy.
13.Dislike sudden change of plan.
14.Loves editing
15.Likes to be left alone in a certain time.

interesting much?:D

the 30.

senyum senyum,kenyit kenyit mata.
*tak memasal.LOL.
today,i'm gonna start the 30 challenges as propose by;
MIRRAH.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned?

Day 30- Who are you?

Assalamualaikum.

Blah blah blah.
My day are always filled with chores.
Harir do this,Harir do that.
Oh,My God.
The never ending list of chores that my parent have prepared special for me.
One time,i almost exploded,luckily i was still able to compensate my anger.
At that time,i was like;
"perghh,abes semua keje aku je neh,"
tapi takpelah.diorang hulur duit.
LOL<.>
ohhhh!
Petang tuh;
i went to a local shop,and there are a group of kids,in front of the shop,playing.
They were very happy,smiling,laughing.etc.
BUT..
as soon as they saw an Ustaz,coming.
they stopped.
and i was like;
"wth?"
and when the Ustaz walked by beside them,
they synchronously,Said;
"Assalamualaikum Ustaz,"
and i was very embarrassed by them.
i did't say salam to the Ustaz.whilst they did.
That made me think,
Not all Kids nowadays are bad.
Not all of them are influenced by the modern world,
Not all of them forget our original custom,
Not all of them forget how Islam teaches them to behave.
And that,deserve a spot in my blog.
:D

the kids.
XD

About Friends.

went to the bookstore today.
i found this:D

Our Religion.Our Hearts.Our Lives.

There are many religions in our world nowadays.
Islam,Christian,Budhha,Taoisme,Jew.Etc.
All of that refer to the one and only fact;
There are God.
As for me,a proud Muslim.
There is only one god;
And He is Allah s.w.t.
Religion plays a part in our lives,
It restricts us from the bad part,and asks us to do the good.
As a muslim,we were asked to always put good,to always strive for the greater good.
http://peliks.blogspot.com
a blog,that not focuses on Islam,but still,it is a very good writing.
I'm reccomending it because i think it contain information.
And oh,i also found a site which focuses on the Al-Quran,its hadis and everything.
For everyone who has doubts or questions running through their mind.
You should check it out.
http://www.surah.my
Peace y'all.